Choosing Joy When Life Hurts

Episode 50 · March 14, 2024

Joy, happiness and stress

The Truth Hurts · Episode 50 · audio in Hebrew

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The conversation

You're waiting for it to feel right to start, and meanwhile nothing moves. You worry more than you need to, you take what other people say to heart, and more and more books pile up on the shelf without changing anything. The way Gili sees it, change comes from action and from self-discipline, not from waiting for the right moment, and the way we talk about ourselves locks our reality in place far more than we realize.

The truth

  • Gili says you never feel completely ready, not to open a business, not to ask for a raise and not to have a hard conversation, so the way she sees it, waiting for "the right time" is an excuse.

  • In the division Gili offers, there are "pickers" who take the initiative and there are "passives" who sit and wait for somebody else to take the step for them.

  • When you believe that the bad comes from the same Source too, every obstacle immediately turns into a chance to repair something and not just into trouble.

  • Gili says that worry passes down through a family almost like a trait: if your mother and your grandmother were worriers, it's easy to copy that without noticing.

  • Gili mentions that tradition credits King Solomon with the line "worry in a person's heart, let him bend it down" (*de'aga belev ish yashchena*), and on the reading she offers that means bringing the worry down, because the way she sees it, the imagination always inflates a worry far beyond what will actually happen.

Questions and answers

How do I make a change when every morning I talk myself into it again and never actually start?

You'll never feel completely ready, or that this is exactly the right time, because we're programmed to stay somewhere comfortable and safe. Nobody is going to give you permission or certainty, so you can't wait for the perfect moment. The best time is now. This is the time to jump in.

Why do I always find an excuse to put off getting help, and how do I know what the one thing is that will really help me?

The power of faith: the faith that there is a Creator and there is nothing besides Him. When a person understands that the good and the bad both come from the same place, they calm down and see that every hard thing is a chance to repair something. Faith comes before confidence, and once there's faith in your heart, life gets easier.

How do I bring down the worry that keeps inflating all kinds of "what ifs" in my head and won't give me any rest?

According to the Gemara there are two ways: take your mind off it, or share it with someone you trust and unload. Those are the efforts that are a person's own responsibility. The rest is in Heaven's hands. The imagination inflates a worry far beyond reality, so you have to make the effort and then release it, instead of staying stuck replaying the same movie in your head.

How do I let go of anger and resentment toward someone without confronting them directly?

You write that person a letter and pour all your anger into it, with no mercy and no score-keeping, and then you burn the page or tear it up. The writing itself releases the tension even if the other person never reads the letter, because not every situation calls for a real confrontation.

How can I stop taking to heart what people say or think about me?

By training yourself not to take anything personally, because nothing happens for no reason. Everything that happens is for you and is meant for you. The moment you take that in, you become far more resistant to being hurt by what other people say.

Tell me, do I have to read piles of personal development books just to start changing?

No, you don't need hundreds of self-help books. Every real change in life is built out of a combination of actually taking action and consistent self-discipline, not out of piling up more and more theory.

Gili's original episode description

In the closing episode of the first season, Gili and Tal explore the road to real joy. They spell out how choosing joy carries a price: working on yourself, positive thinking, love, and accepting help when it's needed, as part of a process of personal growth.

The episode stresses how much it matters to live in joy while dealing with the sadness, the pain and the other challenges life puts in front of us.

Remember that choosing life is choosing joy, even in the hardest situations, and that it rests on free choice and personal responsibility.

About the podcast

Listening to The Truth Hurts feels like sitting in on a healing session.

The truth can hurt. It’s right there in the name. But we’re not here to cause pain. Quite the opposite.

In each episode, two women sit down for an honest conversation: an Emotional Healer and her client.

We talk about healing and consciousness, faith and science, the body and soul, personal growth, energy, and different approaches to healing. Above all, we face the truth no one says out loud: everything around us is upside down.

Is this podcast for you?

  • You want to hear the truth, and you’re ready to face it. (Yes, those are two different things.)
  • You want to gain insight and improve your quality of life.
  • You want to make a change.
  • You want a deeper understanding of the laws of the universe.
  • You want to live a healthy life in body and soul.
  • You want to take away something you can carry with you for life.

You don’t need any prior knowledge. You only need the desire to explore a wide range of ideas and discover practical guidance for living.

Listen and get in touch

Gili Man Wolner, Emotional Healer. Helping you heal and grow through Jewish wisdom.

Have a question about an episode? Send a WhatsApp message to +972 50-681-0611 (messages only).

Listen to The Truth Hurts (in Hebrew).

Tal Eckerling, co-host: Website · Facebook · Instagram