How to Be Happy

Waiting for the kids to grow up so you can finally be happy?

Episode 60 · June 6, 2024

Joy, happiness and stress

The Truth Hurts · Episode 60 · audio in Hebrew

Listen on Spotify Listen on Apple Listen on YouTube Share on WhatsApp

The conversation

Happiness feels slippery. One minute it's here, the next it's gone, and the whole time you're waiting for something on the outside to bring it to you: the kids, your partner, the house with the pool. The way Gili sees it, you are the only owner of your own happiness, and nobody else can hand it to you. The road there starts with taking responsibility and changing the story you tell yourself, including cutting phrases like "I don't have the strength" and replacing them with something that gives you strength instead. And that takes time. The way she sees it, wisdom is patience, because fruit picked too early tastes bitter.

The truth

  • You are the sole owner of your own happiness. Children, a partner or possessions are not going to make it happen for you.

  • The first step is to take responsibility and to understand that there is nobody to blame.

  • Change the "story" you tell yourself. It is the glue that holds all the rest of your beliefs together.

  • In her words, it is worth trading "I don't have the strength" for "I can do this, I'm going to make it," because the moment you say the first one out loud you are actually giving up the strength you had.

  • In the episode she recommends enjoying the journey itself and not putting happiness off until you reach the destination.

  • Wisdom is patience: let things develop without rushing them, because fruit picked too early tastes bitter.

Questions and answers

What can I do to finally be happy, without waiting for the kids to grow up?

The first step is to take full responsibility for your own happiness, without hanging it on your children, on your partner or on things you own. From there you have to change the story and the inner language you use when you talk to yourself, and trade sentences like "I can't" for statements like "I can do this, I'm going to make it."

Why does one person get an easy life and another one a hard life?

The answer comes from the Gemara: whoever overlooks the wrongs done to him, Heaven overlooks all his offenses. In other words, the way you judge and measure other people is the way you are judged and measured from Heaven. The Baal Shem Tov explains that the Creator plays back a recording of how you judged other people, and judges you by it in return.

How do you deal with failure and with mistakes?

We all fail and we all make mistakes, and the difference is in the response. Someone who isn't wise gives up in despair. Someone who is wise goes back to the starting point and tries again. That is also where the idea of teshuvah, of returning, comes from: going back to the beginning and changing things instead of despairing.

Why is it a bad idea to keep saying "I don't have the strength" all the time?

Because the moment you say it, you are actually giving up the strength that was there. Gili recommends catching yourself right at that moment and immediately turning the sentence around.

Gili's original episode description

The Truth Hurts: how to be happy.

What can I do to be happy?

Did you know that you are the owner of your own happiness?

The first step is to take responsibility and to pay attention to your story.

So what is your story?

The surest way is to start by changing the narrative and the language you use when you talk to yourself.

Every one of us writes the script of our own life, so put a cheerleading squad to work in your head.

Learn to enjoy the journey and not only the destination.

Be present in this moment, and hold on to a strong faith that even in a time of crisis, deliverance is already on its way.

About the podcast

Listening to The Truth Hurts feels like sitting in on a healing session.

The truth can hurt. It’s right there in the name. But we’re not here to cause pain. Quite the opposite.

In each episode, two women sit down for an honest conversation: an Emotional Healer and her client.

We talk about healing and consciousness, faith and science, the body and soul, personal growth, energy, and different approaches to healing. Above all, we face the truth no one says out loud: everything around us is upside down.

Is this podcast for you?

  • You want to hear the truth, and you’re ready to face it. (Yes, those are two different things.)
  • You want to gain insight and improve your quality of life.
  • You want to make a change.
  • You want a deeper understanding of the laws of the universe.
  • You want to live a healthy life in body and soul.
  • You want to take away something you can carry with you for life.

You don’t need any prior knowledge. You only need the desire to explore a wide range of ideas and discover practical guidance for living.

Listen and get in touch

Gili Man Wolner, Emotional Healer. Helping you heal and grow through Jewish wisdom.

Have a question about an episode? Send a WhatsApp message to +972 50-681-0611 (messages only).

Listen to The Truth Hurts (in Hebrew).

Tal Eckerling, co-host: Website · Facebook · Instagram