Here and Now Is All We Have

You don't have to be certain in order to move

Episode 69 · August 8, 2024

Joy, happiness and stress

The Truth Hurts · Episode 69 · audio in Hebrew

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The conversation

The same decision keeps going around in your head, and every time you think you've reached a conclusion, a new doubt comes up. That confusion doesn't solve anything. It only frustrates you and leaves you stuck. Gili says there are just two ways out of that loop: act even without full certainty, the way an entrepreneur moves ahead without absolute confidence, or go out and get more information that will give you a little more confidence to decide.

The truth

  • Overthinking is a closed loop. Confusion breeds insecurity, insecurity keeps you from deciding, and you tell yourself that one more round of thinking will solve it, when all it does is feed the frustration all over again.

  • There are two real exits from that loop. One is to act even without full certainty, the way an entrepreneur moves ahead without absolute confidence, or the way a bird lands on a branch without checking first that it will hold. The other is to go out and get more information that will give you at least a little more confidence.

  • The decisions you made in the past were a kind of gamble too, and you're still here. Nobody really knows what the other option would have brought.

  • The happiness that comes from getting what we wanted lasts, on average, somewhere between six hours and six months, and then it's gone. Happiness that depends on the future is a trap.

  • What we want keeps changing, and that's fine. The real work is to refine our wants, meaning to want without ego, not to stop wanting.

  • The pressure to be like everyone else drains your energy. Your focus creates reality, so put it on what makes you unique and not on what other people are doing.

Questions and answers

How do I stop my head from racing and getting confused like this, without waiting to feel certain first?

There are two possible ways. The first is to recognize that we have to act and move forward even in states of confusion and uncertainty, the way an entrepreneur moves ahead without full confidence. The second is to go out and get more information and learn about the subject, which will give you a little more confidence in making the decision, even without absolute certainty.

Why doesn't getting exactly what I wanted finally make me feel happy?

In the episode, the happiness that comes from getting something we wanted lasts a relatively short time and then passes. That's why you can't build happiness on future achievements. You have to learn to be happy here and now, without depending on getting new things.

How am I supposed to heal my trauma?

According to what is said in that passage, you can't heal what you aren't willing to feel. The only way is to go into the hard emotions that came with the trauma instead of dodging them. Suppressing them and avoiding them are exactly what holds the trauma in place, so you have to go through the pain in order to move forward and heal it.

Why do I fall apart when something bad happens to me, and why does any of it depend on what I'm feeling right now?

Emotion is the way the universe communicates with us. It picks up our energy, which is made of thoughts and feelings, and responds accordingly. It doesn't speak any language. Gili says that like attracts like: someone who vibrates fear or shame will draw energy that matches it, and someone who vibrates love and abundance will draw things that match that.

How does a good leader handle failure?

From Gili's point of view, failure isn't supposed to be seen as the end of the road but as an opportunity to find another, better way. A real leader needs the craft of determination, persistence and creativity, and isn't afraid of failure even when it happens again and again, because they know that in the end they will succeed.

Gili's original episode description

The Creator wants us to be entrepreneurs.

An entrepreneur is someone who comes up with ideas and brings them into the world without fear and with a willingness to take risks, because failure doesn't faze them. Failure is simply an opportunity to find another, better way.

An entrepreneur is someone who moves forward even without one hundred percent certainty. They don't wait for it. They try anyway, exactly the way a bird doesn't test the strength of every branch it lands on. It trusts itself to know how to fly if the branch isn't steady.

Life here isn't a journey toward happiness. We didn't come here only to be happy. We came to experience life, and that means there is a wide range of emotions we came here to feel.

We came to know suffering and pain just as we came to know pleasure and delight.

Don't be afraid to live it all. Life here is a game, and in a game you sometimes win and sometimes lose. So what?

Real self-worth comes from facing hardship.

Nobody would remember the battle of David and Goliath if David had been a giant and Goliath a small man. David didn't win everlasting glory because a friend did him a favor. He is remembered because of the impossible fight he took on against an enemy like that.

Our own story works the same way. Every time the Creator wants to raise you to the next level, He sends you some enemy, like Goliath.

(A tip: sometimes we are our own enemies.)

Not one of us has any idea what's coming.

Waiting for full certainty will leave you stuck right where you are.

Keep going, beautiful souls, because you didn't have full certainty about the decisions you made in the past either, and you're still alive.

All we have is here and now. That's it.

Move, because there's no way to know whether we'll be here tomorrow.