What Does It Mean to Forgive? | The Truth Hurts Ep. 26

The conversation

You're carrying anger at someone who hurt you, and it feels as though forgiving them would mean signing off on what they did. Gili says that's exactly the mistake. Forgiveness is an inner process meant to free you from anger, from guilt and from feeling like a victim. It isn't for the other person. The hardest one, she says, is forgiving yourself. And without that, your subconscious will keep wrecking things.

The truth

Forgiveness, the way Gili defines it, is an inner process meant to release anger, guilt and the feeling of being a victim. It isn't a gesture toward somebody else.

According to Judaism, three sincere requests for forgiveness are enough. The pardon reaches the person who asks for it, whether or not the other side accepts it.

Forgiving someone doesn't mean they go back to being part of your life. You can release the anger and still choose never to see them again.

Forgiving doesn't mean approving of what was done, or renewing contact with the person who hurt you.

In Judaism, someone who asks for forgiveness three times and means it does receive pardon, even if the other side refuses.

Questions and answers

If someone hurt me and I forgave them, do I have to go back to being in touch with them as though nothing happened?

No. Forgiveness is for you and not for the other person. It doesn't make what was done acceptable and it doesn't obligate you to a relationship. You can forgive and release the anger, and still choose never to see that person again.

Why is forgiving myself the hardest thing of all, harder than forgiving the person who hurt me?

Because the one we most need to be released from is ourselves, not the person who hurt us. Gili explains that forgiving other people runs through forgiving ourselves.

What does Judaism say about someone who asks for forgiveness again and again and doesn't get it?

According to Judaism, if you ask for forgiveness three times and mean it, and you take responsibility for what you did, the pardon is given either way, even if the other side refuses to accept it.

Gili's original episode description

In honor of Yom Kippur, a holy and very special day that's coming up fast, Gili and Tal decided to take the opportunity and open a deep, meaningful discussion about forgiveness.

They look at what real forgiveness actually is, and describe the ways a person can find the strength to forgive and to let go of old hurts and ancient pain.

Over the course of the episode they talk about the different dimensions forgiveness can take. Is it forgiveness toward yourself? Forgiveness toward others? Or maybe forgiveness toward situations that didn't work out the way you expected?

And of course, in Gili's tips corner, a few practical tools for forgiving yourself and for building inner peace, peace with yourself and with the world around you, and of course for letting go of old hurts.

About the podcast

Listening to The Truth Hurts feels like sitting in on a healing session.

The truth can hurt. It’s right there in the name. But we’re not here to cause pain. Quite the opposite.

In each episode, two women sit down for an honest conversation: an Emotional Healer and her client.

We talk about healing and consciousness, faith and science, the body and soul, personal growth, energy, and different approaches to healing. Above all, we face the truth no one says out loud: everything around us is upside down.

Is this podcast for you?

You want to hear the truth, and you’re ready to face it. (Yes, those are two different things.)
You want to gain insight and improve your quality of life.
You want to make a change.
You want a deeper understanding of the laws of the universe.
You want to live a healthy life in body and soul.
You want to take away something you can carry with you for life.

You don’t need any prior knowledge. You only need the desire to explore a wide range of ideas and discover practical guidance for living.

Listen and get in touch

Gili Man Wolner, Emotional Healer. Helping you heal and grow through Jewish wisdom.

Have a question about an episode? Send a WhatsApp message to +972 50-681-0611 (messages only).

Listen to The Truth Hurts (in Hebrew).