Avra Kedavra

Why you always feel you have to prove something to someone

Episode 76 · November 7, 2024

Faith and trust in the Creator

The Truth Hurts · Episode 76 · audio in Hebrew

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The conversation

You're tired of pretending. Tired of smiling when you don't feel like it, of defending things when you're not even sure why they matter so much to you. Gili Man Wolner argues that this moment, the one where you stop keeping score of what other people think and start living honestly, is exactly where real confidence is born. Not the confidence that comes from a title, from a job or from somebody else's approval, but the kind that comes only from what is genuinely in your own control.

The truth

  • Fear of rejection is a belief that took root, not a fact about reality, and you can examine it and change it.

  • A feeling is a warning light, not a commanding officer. It's meant to set inner work in motion, not to dictate your decisions.

  • Being honest with yourself without beating yourself up is the foundation of real confidence.

  • A lot of what feels like "I have to defend this" isn't yours at all. You picked it up from your parents and from the people around you.

  • Real confidence doesn't come from a title or from a secure job. It comes only from what's genuinely in your control.

  • Making something happen takes a clear intention and the sense that it already exists: "I already have it," not "I want it."

Questions and answers

What does "avra k'dabra" mean, and where does it come from?

She says it's a two-word phrase in Aramaic, and according to the explanation given in the episode its meaning has to do with "as the thing is," that is, what you say is what becomes reality. She connects it to Kabbalah and to the idea that words and thought are a force that creates reality.

What does it even mean to want something, instead of simply believing that I already have it?

Wanting points to a lack. When a person wants something, the subconscious understands that the thing is missing and goes on producing that same lack over and over. When you relate to it as something that already exists, on the other hand, the mind takes that in as reality, and according to Gili that's what leads to it coming about.

Why is fear of rejection only a belief that I can change and not a fact?

Fear of rejection is a feeling that signals a mistaken belief. A belief is formed out of a thought that repeated itself enough times to settle in as truth. The feeling itself isn't proof of reality. It's only an indicator, meant to set inner work in motion, and not something to get swept along by as if it were a fact.

Why do I constantly feel like I have to prove something to someone?

A feeling is an excellent indicator. It will always tell you whether something is good or not, whether it suits you or not. But it isn't supposed to be the one leading you. It's a signal meant to get us to do the work on ourselves, not a feeling you hand the controls to and let decide what you do.

Gili's original episode description

One of the great tools we were given for control over reality is Kabbalah. Kabbalah talks about control over matter, down to the level of the cell, by means of consciousness. It sounds like magic to us, and it really is the magic of Creation. There's a reason magicians use the phrase avra k'dabra, and for anyone who doesn't know, it's two words in Aramaic that mean: as I speak, so I create. Kabbalah explains that just as the universe is made up entirely of atoms, an entire world is built out of the letters of the alphabet. The same letters that make up words, that make up sentences, that create reality.

I'm a great believer in the power of words. I know how much they're worth, and I want you to know it too, because you can go to therapy, to courses and to workshops for years, but if you haven't understood and applied this principle of Creation, my brothers and sisters, you've missed it, and missed it big.

We're partners in the creation of reality, partners of the Creator! And the basis of that creation is your thought, your feeling and your mouth. Avra k'dabra: whatever you say is what will be.