Why We Resist Change

Why everything has to fall apart before you finally move

Episode 8 · May 11, 2023

Change, feeling stuck and procrastination

The Truth Hurts · Episode 8 · audio in Hebrew

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The conversation

You probably know this one. You know exactly what needs to change, and you stay right where you are anyway until the situation becomes unbearable. According to Gili, the reason has nothing to do with laziness or with not wanting it. It has to do with our first memory of change, from infancy, when change was forced on us and we had no control at all. Ever since then the subconscious links every change to fear, even a change that is good for us, and would rather stay with the familiar. And when the midlife crisis at 40 arrives (it can come earlier or later too), that's exactly the moment when your basic needs are already met and the existential questions start coming up.

The truth

  • According to Gili, our first memory of change is from infancy, when we were completely passive, which is why even a good change gets burned in as something forced and frightening.

  • We're proud of the changes we've already made, but in reality most of us move only when the situation becomes unbearable.

  • What really holds us back, most of the time, is fear. Nothing else.

  • The midlife crisis at 40 (which can also happen at 30 or at 50) comes exactly when the basic needs are already met and existential questions start coming up.

  • Gili says Osho was called the guru of the rich, because a person who has to worry about bread and water simply has no time to ask questions like these.

  • In the numerological approach Gili presents, there are four life cycles, and between the second and the third, around the age of 40, a change is due, whether for the good or not.

Questions and answers

Why is it so hard for me to change something, even when I want the change?

Because the first change we ever went through in life was as babies, in a passive state where the change was forced on us, so it got burned in as a memory of fear and difficulty, even when it was actually a change for the better. Ever since, the subconscious links change with fear and would rather stay with the familiar.

What is this "midlife crisis at 40" that everyone talks about?

It's a point where someone who has already been through several stages of life, and has met their basic needs, starts asking existential questions about the nature of their existence and what they're doing here. It can happen at 30 and it can happen at 50.

What has to happen for something in my life to finally move, without everything having to fall apart first?

You need synchronization between thought and feeling, a clear mental intention together with a positive emotion toward it. In the study presented in the episode, only the group that held both the intention and the feeling managed to produce a measurable change, while the groups that used thought alone or feeling alone saw no change at all.

Why is there a connection between orgasm and my being able to change things and create a different reality in my life?

Gili uses a comparison she gives her son as well: just as you can't reach an orgasm without being fully focused, you can't summon a new reality without concentrating and holding in your head what you want, until the picture seeps down into the feeling.

What's the difference between the way Descartes and Newton saw it and what Einstein and quantum physics found?

Descartes and Newton held that material reality can be calculated and predicted in advance, completely separate from consciousness. Einstein argued that matter and energy are interchangeable, and the quantum physics experiments that came after him showed that consciousness observing something actually affects the way matter behaves.

Gili's original episode description

Have you ever thought about this whole thing with change?

On one hand, we're proud and happy about the changes we've made in our lives.

On the other hand, by the time we actually move... sometimes it only happens because we're already being kicked out, or because it has become unbearable.

So why is that?

Today on the episode, Tal and Gili talk about exactly this!

Why we avoid change and at the same time are drawn to it, what the deal is with the subconscious and how it affects the decisions we make.

We'll also talk about Sapiens in connection with that famous conflict, consciousness vs. matter, and how it relates to our fear of change.

And there's more!

How orgasm relates to change in general and to creating reality in particular.

About the podcast

Listening to The Truth Hurts feels like sitting in on a healing session.

The truth can hurt. It’s right there in the name. But we’re not here to cause pain. Quite the opposite.

In each episode, two women sit down for an honest conversation: an Emotional Healer and her client.

We talk about healing and consciousness, faith and science, the body and soul, personal growth, energy, and different approaches to healing. Above all, we face the truth no one says out loud: everything around us is upside down.

Is this podcast for you?

  • You want to hear the truth, and you’re ready to face it. (Yes, those are two different things.)
  • You want to gain insight and improve your quality of life.
  • You want to make a change.
  • You want a deeper understanding of the laws of the universe.
  • You want to live a healthy life in body and soul.
  • You want to take away something you can carry with you for life.

You don’t need any prior knowledge. You only need the desire to explore a wide range of ideas and discover practical guidance for living.

Listen and get in touch

Gili Man Wolner, Emotional Healer. Helping you heal and grow through Jewish wisdom.

Have a question about an episode? Send a WhatsApp message to +972 50-681-0611 (messages only).

Listen to The Truth Hurts (in Hebrew).

Tal Eckerling, co-host: Website · Facebook · Instagram