The Truth Hurts Podcast: Page 4
You do everything right. Every time, you decide all over again that this time it's going to be different, and somehow you end up in exactly the same place. The way Gili sees it, that isn't chance and it isn't bad luck. It's the subconscious that was formed by the time you were seven, and out of all the options in front of you it keeps choosing only the ones it already knows. The feelings you pushed down along the way didn't disappear either. They piled up, and that's exactly what comes out later as pressure and anxiety. And even when things are hard right now, there's a good chance all of it is heading somewhere else entirely.
Read the episode notes: A Sensitive Man: The Cost of Avoiding Emotions | Episode 80
You talk to yourself far more harshly than you'd ever talk to your closest friend, and then you wonder why nothing changes. The way Gili sees it, there's an earlier stage before self-love that most of us skip right over: self-acceptance, accepting yourself for what you are and for what you're not. She suggests starting to notice the thoughts that keep coming back, writing them down, and recognizing the pattern before it decides once again how your day is going to look.
Read the episode notes: Self-Awareness | The Truth Hurts, Episode 79
You're waiting for something on the outside to finally make you feel good: a job, a relationship, some recognition. Then it happens, and you're still not there. The way Gili sees it, that feeling depends on inner work and on self-examination that nobody can do for you, and never on whatever is going on around you. She brings up King Solomon, who was offered wealth and honor, chose wisdom instead, and received all the rest on top of it. And when things are especially hard, the way they are now, the answer is to draw strength and keep the habits that hold you up, not to give up.
Read the episode notes: My God | The Truth Hurts, Episode 78
You keep replaying the same conversation in your head, trying to work out how something that felt right yesterday doesn't feel right today. According to Gili, that's exactly the point. Every role you fill, as a mother, as an employee, as a daughter, brings a different truth with it, so there's no one formula that always holds up. From there she goes further: nobody can really hurt you. You're the one who decides that, through the way you treat yourself. At the end she offers a simple tool, the Crystal Eye (Ein HaBedolach), which helps you look at what's happening in your life without labeling everything as good or bad.
Read the episode notes: Live by Your Deepest Truth | The Truth Hurts, Episode 77
You're tired of pretending. Tired of smiling when you don't feel like it, of defending things when you're not even sure why they matter so much to you. Gili Man Wolner argues that this moment, the one where you stop keeping score of what other people think and start living honestly, is exactly where real confidence is born. Not the confidence that comes from a title, from a job or from somebody else's approval, but the kind that comes only from what is genuinely in your own control.
Read the episode notes: Avra Kedavra | The Truth Hurts, Episode 76
You're living by a script somebody else wrote for you: your parents, society, the fear of what people will say. You promise yourself things and you don't always keep those promises, and without noticing it that eats away at your confidence. According to Gili Man Wolner, this is exactly what happens to most people. They aren't living their own real nature, they're wearing other people's expectations. Here she explains why that happens, and how to start finding your way back to yourself.
Read the episode notes: Authenticity and Faith | The Truth Hurts, Episode 75
That story you keep telling about the thing that hurt you? According to Gili, every time you repeat it you aren't only remembering the past, you're creating it again, and you go on drawing more and more of the same kind toward you. The one who hurt and the one who was hurt trade places all the time, exactly like a driver leaning on the horn in anger who forgets that they were once the one being honked at. Self-respect starts the moment you stop living inside the story and start asking where you go from here.
Read the episode notes: You Come First: Self-Respect from Within | The Truth Hurts, Episode 74
There's someone you're still angry at, even if years have gone by. Maybe you've even said out loud that you forgave him, but inside, something is still bleeding. Gili says that isn't really forgiveness, it's only a performance, and that as long as you're waiting for him to apologize or to understand how much he hurt you, you stay stuck. Forgiveness isn't for him at all. It's for you.
Read the episode notes: Forgiveness Cannot Be Forced | The Truth Hurts, Episode 73
You look at yourself and go hunting for a good enough reason to love who you are: an achievement, a success, something that would justify it. The way Gili sees it, self-love isn't supposed to work like that at all. She suggests adopting the model that parents already know with their children, loving yourself simply because you belong to yourself, and nothing else has to justify it. From there she moves on to places that look completely unrelated: relationships, making a living, health, even the way you react to the people around you. She shows how all of them start at exactly the same point.
Read the episode notes: I Love You: Rethinking Self-Love | Episode 72
The same reaction again, the same people again, the same feeling again that something is repeating itself. Gili argues that this is no accident. The way she sees it, what happens outside is a reflection of what has been planted inside, and as long as you don't treat the root, nothing really changes. Right now in particular, she says, there's a rare window of time in which the harsh judgments can be sweetened, which is why, when something painful comes back around, the smartest thing you can do is hold yourself back and not react. It may sound like a small thing, but she believes it's one of the most meaningful things a person can do for themselves.
Read the episode notes: Creating Reality: The Director's Cut | The Truth Hurts, Episode 71